But those are columns. They are supposed to be entertaining to a certain level.
What Jason LaConfora put in the paper this morning wasn't a column. It was just factual information on the new coaching hires for the Washington Redskins. The quotes were solid gold.
Some of my favorites:
Sherman Smith, about to take the job of offensive coordinator: "I work for a great organization right now, and he's giving me a chance to work for another great organization. " Sure thing cowboy. FYI the 'Skins have made the playoffs exactly 3 times in the last 15 years. Worse yet, they change their plan every other week and don't have a real GM picking players. Sure Cerrato got a rasie and a nice new fancy title, but let's be serious here, the guy is a complete assclown. Nice try though.
Smith: "I've heard great things about the Redskins..." Like what for example? Remember the last offensive coordinator had been lighting the league on fire for years before taking the same job that you are about to take. The last time I checked it didn't work out too well for Al Saunders right here with the Maroon, Black & Yellow (thanks Zorn).
Stump Mitchell, new assistant head coach running backs: "I'm sort of speechless about the opportunity, I've come to a franchise that's one of the most outstanding in the league, one that I was kind of in awe of as a player. Just the tradition of the Redskins and everything they've accomplished . . . you could definitely say I'm excited." Yeah guess what chuckles - you are 48 years old. Of coure you were in awe of this franchise (like the rest of us) back in the day. But times have changed around Redskins Park as we are now lead (unfortunately) by Dumb & Dumber. At what point do we stop talking about tradition and start talking about the "Now"? Bobby Bethard isn't walking through that door. The team doesn't play at RFK anymore. Get past, the, um, Past.
Mitchell: "I've talked to a lot of people I trust, and they've told me this sounds like a good move for me at this time in my career." Um, who told you that? Did you shake up a magic 8 Ball for that quote? Maybe your wife told you that because she wants to see you move up a tax bracket, but other than that, this move is probably career suicide.
And finally....Gibbs keeps towing the company line for Snyder even though he left because he knew the environment wasn't conducive to winning.
Gibbs: "I thought Dan did a great job" I can see Joe's nose growing from my office. Nothing more to say really. Just a complete boldfaced lie from our favorite Hall of Fame coach.
Gibbs: "There are only two or three coaches who are probably not going to be there." Yeah without naming names I can't even think about who he might be talking about. Way to hype it down my man.
Gibbs: "I think there's been a real continuity to trying to keep the group together." What are you talking about? Snyder interviewed Gregg Williams (one of the main reasons the Redskins were good in your second term) four times for like 12 hours a pop and decided to go another way. Hello, he was the guy most of the players wanted. Not the kind of "real" continuity we were hoping for Joe.
The moral of the story is that if somebody pays you enough to act like everything is going "just fine" no matter what the actual results indicate, you either actually start believing that horsecrap or you become a professional liar.
Z-Man...WTF?: Possible new offensive coordinator (how many of these does the team have?) Sherman Smith referred to Jim Zorn as the "Z-Man" exactly four times. That isn't the type of nickname that a real head coach needs to be answering to at any point in his career.
So here they are:
1. "No question about it, I'm really excited about the opportunity Z-Man has offered me"
2. "I've heard great things about the Redskins and I obviously know about Z-Man and what he wants to accomplish."
3. "I go back a long way with Z-Man, so he knows how I am"
4. "Anyone would . . . look forward to working with my man Z-Man and the staff he's putting together."
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