worst shoulders ever

When you schedule your very first MRI appointment over the phone, they ask you if you are claustrophobic or not. Also trying to sound like a big, tough guy to some woman on the phone that I will NEVER see in my life I naturally say "No". It's possible that I even laughed at the mere possibility that I could somehow be claustrophobic. Like that's possible right?

It's really not until you slowly slide back, arms pushed up against the sides, into that big tube, head first of course, that you realize that it's very possible that you actually ARE very claustrophobic.

It's never a good sign when the last thing the technician says to you is, "Most people find it more relaxing to keep their eyes closed". I think that's the politically correct way to say, "You are less likely to freak out if you keep your eyes shut."

Ok so up first was my right shoulder. Well more like my right pectoral major but it goes to my shoulder so whatever.

Things that crossed my mind right before the first series of loud ass noises started:

What if they start filling this thing up with water?
What if a rat got in here?
What if they keep moving me back into a furnace?
Can my tongue touch the top of this thing?
What if they freeze my body? Only to wake up in future.

Well luckily none of those things happened. Oh and for the record, my tongue could not touch the top but it was pretty damn close.

So one of my hands is wrapped around the "freak out" buzzer - just in case I gets tough in there. The other one, my right, is propped up with towels so that they get a good readout. I've got my headphones on with some sound of nature crap being pumped in when the tech says, "Ok first test. 4 minutes."

Then you get 4 solid minutes filled with sounds similar to those that come from the Tipods in the recent movie version of War of the Worlds. My strategy was to try and count to 4 minutes. About 4 tests or so into the entire scan I got restless leg syndrome or at least a light touch of it. Keep in mind you arent supposed to move at all.

So after 40 minutes or so when I finally got out of there the tech tells me that it wasn't an exact 4 minutes.

Wow. Talk about ruining a game. Thanks for nothing. I need exact times or else I can't concentrate. What's the point of playing a game if you can't win? That's like being DC United in the Champions League.

Wait did I mention the call I got a day later?

So the next day I get a call from the good people at Alexandria Inova letting me know that they need me to come back because they didn't get everything they needed during my 40 minutes of fun. Remember how I said it was kind of a shoulder MRI but they also needed some of my chest? Well they needed more of my chest.

Terrific.

I said I'd see them again when I came back for my left shoulder.

Pretty cool.

more later